I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
