It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
