i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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