foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Congratulations! We have a period
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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