u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
