i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
