i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
