If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
