The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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