So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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