he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Dick very happy bro
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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