no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
