If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
