He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
