Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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