i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
