It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
