Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
