My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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