just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
ttyl tear gas
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
