my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize