its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
