just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
