i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize