I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
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