I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Even my vagina gasped.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize