I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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