Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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