on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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