If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
