I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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