Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
it's great music for shaving your balls
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
