Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
