Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
