You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
