Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
