found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize