Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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