No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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