My girlfriend figured out who you are.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
There are leaves in my underwear?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
