I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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