I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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