either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
