counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
