we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
