i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I am spending my child support on dildos
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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