she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
