I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
