My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
