As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Did we literally take a cab across the street
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize