I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
my shit smells like andre
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
