the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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