I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
