Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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