we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
