Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
