No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
