just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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