There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
