you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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