just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
