i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Randomize
