I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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