I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
is this the sara with the beer cane?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
