I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
