Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
