I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
