Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
