would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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