I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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