In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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