The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize