you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
