I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
