Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
