You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
