Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
