Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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