dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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