just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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