dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize