You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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