I wish I only lived at night.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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