just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
