Me. At least after what I've been through.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
