something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
