i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
