Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
