I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
