I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize