I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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