I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
