you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
