I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
