people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
