Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
